Returning back to my root

Today I'll be returning home to attend my cousin's wedding and rewang-ing (Javanese: helping with the preparation of the wedding ceremony). I can expect my task would be cleaning the chicken, and then fry them, setting up the stove (read: installing the gas cylinder) for cooking the foods due to my status as PETRONAS scholar (how harsh is that? I'm doing electrical and electronic engineering, not oil and gas). Still in emotional turmoil, please pray for my safety during the 300 km ride (yes, by motorcycle, public transportation sucks big time). To my fellow readers of this blog, enjoy your weekend and take the greatest care of yourself. My last song before starting my journey home is Sesuatu from Laluna:

Sesuatu

by Laluna

Sesuatu dalam diriku 

Membuat semua mimpi tak pernah terjadi 

Sesuatu dalam diriku 

Membuat semua hari terasa sendiri 

Terpendam jauh di sana 

Sesuatu dalam diriku 

Membuat kau merasa ku selalu salah 

Mungkin hilang dari diriku 

Sesuatu yang pernah tersimpan di hati 

Tertinggal jauh di sana bagian yang terlupakan 

Maafkan diriku maafkan mulutku 

Semua kulakukan hanya untukmu 

Mungkin pikiranmu saja 

Yang tak percaya padaku 

Waktu itu mungkin bukanmu 

Yang bilang ku tak pernah merasa peduli 

Waktu itu mungkin bukanmu 

Tak percaya aku dengan cinta pernah ada 

Ku ingin bisa bertahan

Berharap kau akan sedar 

Ketika senyuman indahmu 

Membuat semua ragu hilang 

Dan semua terulang 

Kan slalu berulang 

Tak ku mengerti oh 

Maafkan aku

p/s: Datang tak bersambut, balik tak berhantar. Datang tak nampak muka, balik tak nampak belakang...

Tombo Ati

Versi asal oleh: Sunan Bonang (Salah seorang Wali Songo dari Jawa)

Tombo Hati

Tombo Ati iku limo perkorone

Kaping pisan moco Quran lan maknane

Kaping pindo sholat wengi lakonono

Kaping telu wong kang sholeh kumpulono

Kaping papat kudu weteng ingkang luwe

Kaping limo dzikir wengi ingkang suwe

Salah sawijine sopo iso ngelakoni

Mugi-mugi Gusti ALLOH nyembadani

Terjemahan untuk mereka yang tidak faham bahasa Jawa:

Ubat Hati

Ubat Hati ada lima perkaranya

Yang pertama baca Qur'an dan maknanya

Yang kedua solat malam dirikanlah

Yang ketiga berkumpullah (bergaul) dengan orang soleh

Yang keempat perbanyaklah berpuasa

Yang kelima zikir malam perbanyaklah

Salah satunya siapa boleh melakukannya

Moga-moga Allah yang Maha Besar memenuhi hajatnya

English transliteration for those who are clueless in understanding Bahasa Melayu and Javanese:

Elixir of heart

Elixir of heart, there are five of it

The First, read Quran and understand its meaning

The Second, prayer at night, do it

The Third, make your companion a pious person

The Fourth, keep your stomach hungry (i.e fasting regularly)

The Fifth, remember your Lord at night constantly (zikr)

One of it, anyone who can do it

May Allah almighty fulfill his wish

This song really brought me back close on track (at least I did not wander far from where I should be).  Honestly, I'm currently in emotion turmoil very badly. This is the most severe I ever had. The cause? Numerous. It has been accumulating for sometime and finally I was defeated by my own emotion. The strength that I had built myself before shattered like a broken glass. I am not being sentimental here, but it is really reflect my current state. Even so, I never blame Allah for it. There must be something behind all this (read: hikmah). But, rebuilding my faith is not an easy process. Along the way (read: now), my routine is severely affected, my focus had flew away, my concentration has gone so with my studies. I feel down, full of hatred, disappointed and still hoping that there will be someone to bring me out from this mess. I still pray and put my hope unto HIM. Everything I did is under the influence of hatred and it is really disturbing and wears me down. I am damn tired with all of this. I will be coming back home this week with hatred and revenge. Please, I never ask this, hope there will be help from HIM.

p/s: Syukur, status internship dgn Synergistic Generation Sdn. Bhd. dah confirm. On the other hand, DSP wat hal. Org2 tu wat hal gak. Arrrgghhh~

It is currently RM 61866.00 and keeps increasing, sir

Yesterday, I went to ESU (Education Sponsorship Unit) at Block O to collect my SOA (Statement of Account) as instructed to all Petronas scholars in UTP. The statement lists out the money spent on me starting from 31/07/2005 to 31/10/2008. To my amazement, Petronas has spent exactly RM61866.00 for sponsoring my study here in UTP and this figure will surely increases as I have 3 more semesters (InsyaALLAH) to go. The expenditures include tuition fees (averaging RM5k/semester), hostel fees, allowances (books, stationeries), computer grant (worth RM3.5k), insurance and the monthly RM500 allowances (they call it maintenance allowances, sound funny). Realizing that, suddenly it gives me chilling sensation, it is indeed, a lot of money. It is good for ESU doing this SOA thingy so it will motivate me to study and work harder during my life here in UTP (hope so). I do not know how much other sponsors (like JPA, PTPTN, Shell, TNB, Bank Negara etc.) had spent on their scholars, but I am sure it is a lot of money (and some came from Rakyat money). So, be grateful of what we have now and put it to good use. As for me, other than returning the favour to the sponsor (read: Petroliam Nasional Berhad), I am bounded to agreement and I do not want to be in trouble of paying back the money given to me due to some reasons (breach of contract, underperforming and etc.). There are so many oppurtunity for us to succeed (read: to do well in studies and get good jobs). It is up to us to grab them or not.

p/s: arini scholar masok (tambah lagi RM500 to the above sum), pegi Batu Gajah beli barang and then gunting rambot, da tinggal brape je nih. Whuuuu, sdap2 je aku blanje sambil menambahkan hutang. Study2! Huhuhuh~

Is this fair?

We had a LITTLE argument (I don't know how to put this, it is really a small argument, not much word uttered, but it became a big thing because of the other party is superior to me, that is why I type the word 'little' in capital letter), recently. The other party told me that I'm so cold and keep everything inside me rather than letting it out to him.

So, realizing my status to him, without much argument, we had an 'open' talk session. The result is, as expected, have never been desirable. With his sky-scrapers-high ego, he cut my word before I even have chance to finish my word in order to make him understand. Then, bullets of words flew right through me making me unable to speak anymore. I really regret that situation happened. I wish I never talk to him about himself and my dissatisfaction to him. Please forgive me.

From now on, I'll try to keep everything to myself. I never meant to break your heart. Please punish me as you wish. I really don't mind if I never have your blessings. I know I am bad. So, please end my suffering. Please tear me apart quickly. I hope you will be satisfied doing that. I never hold any grudge to you since you have been so nice to me, or else, I would not even exist in this world.

p/s: Projek berlambak, status internship tak tau lagi, test yg xpnah abes, final exams. Ntah laa...

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Now playing: Laluna - Membekas di Hati
via FoxyTunes

Today is Saturday

Just came back from Digital Signal Processing (DSP) lecture. It's Saturday and yet I have to come to this boring lecture. Anyway, I just want to share this song with you. Performed by Gigi and I am currently karaoke-ing this song. Hehehe~

Title: Romansa Yang Hilang
Artist: Gigi
Album: Peace, Love, 'N Respect

Bunga-bunga kebahagiaan
Kini hilang oleh sifat keangkuhanmu
Ku hanya meminta padamu
Bawalah kehangatan yang dulu ada

Salahkah aku bila perhatianku
Melebihi apa yang kau mahu
Maaf sayangku bila perhatianku
Menutup perasaan kebebasanmu

Kembalikan rasa cintamu padaku
Kembalikan padaku
Ku memohon tak lebih hanya itu

Kembalikan rasa sayangmu padaku
Hanya rasa cintamu tersimpan dipuing hatiku

Bicaralah sayang padaku
Keadaan ini sungguh menghancurkanku
Dan tak seharusnya terjadi
Kehangatanmu menjadi tak berarti

Salahkah aku bila perhatianku
Melebihi apa yang kau mahu
Maaf sayangku bila perhatianku
Menutup perasaan kebebasanmu

p/s: Perfectly describe my feeling right now and sounds sweet to my ears. Hehehe~

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Now playing: Gigi - Romansa Yang Hilang
via FoxyTunes

Raya Album 1

Citer byk pon xgune kn? So, ni ade la gamba sket utk tatapan korg. Ni baru sket, ade byk lg gamba mnarek tp xsmpat nk copy dari PC umah aritu. Heheh~

mengacau dodol~

mengacau dodol dgn penoh profesional

wan, jiha, itah, iqah~

salai daging la plak