It’s Eid-Mubarak Eve, Finally…

I have received an SMS from Jeno. It read like this:

SMS raya dah byk. Tp raya tetap belom menjelang tiba. Salam aidilfitri dari jeno dan isteri imaginasi.

WTH is that? (ooops! I’m fasting). This one of a kind Raya SMS really tickles me. I can’t stop smiling even though I’m very tired due to stirring the thick and black dodol at the backyard of my Wan’s house (referring to my grandmother). Actually I'm skipping the work of stirring the dodol down there and try to write something in this blog (hehehe, thanks to Ateh's lappie and her Maxis berukben). Stirring the dodol itself is not that tiring. But plus the heat and the smoke that irritates my eyes, stirring dodol is definitely not the interesting job to do in this Raya preparations. And now the clouds start to turn black, hope it is not the sign of raining since the dodol has to be stirred for another 3 hours from now (we started cooking it at 11 this morning) before it can be consumed.


I've been in my kampung for two days now, bringing Ateh (my aunt), Wajihah and Haziqah. Mak, ayah, Nina and Husna will be coming back tomorrow (pandai betol derg ni mengelat), on the night of Raya. Being here in my kampung, The Transporter job (noble name for driver, in my opinion) is definitely for me. Yesterday, I went to Tampin with Wan to accompany her doing some shopping for Raya there. The good things are, Wan is sooooo generous that she bought me a new songkok (it saves me RM40, :P) and many things that I want (especially food and beverages) at Giant Hypermarket Tampin. In the evening, I went to Gemas with Ateh and bought foods at bazar Ramadhan for the breaking fast for yesterday. We bought less foods but, loads of beverages. We were having Tropicana Twister and Peel Fresh Mango bought earlier at Giant and, Longan juice and Air Katira from the bazar Ramadhan. But still, I managed to stuff my stomach with fried chickens later at the night. It is indeed a tiring (and thirsty) day for me. Then, I held a special cooking class for Wan. It was on how to prepare dadih. I have prepared dadih kiwi with kiwi slices in it. By sahur today, the dadih had decreased to half, indicating that I'm a good cook (yes, indeed :P).


I woke up late today to know that the ingredients for dodol have been prepared. As the nearly-extinct male in this house (yes, I have many female relatives including my aunts and cousins), the job of starting the fire and cooking the dodol had been handed over to me (which I skipped later, I mean now and had been taken over by my only uncle). It is really tiring and I started to feel thirsty. I wish I could have chilled coconut juice, 100 Plus isotonic drink, lychee juice and the list goes on... (damn! those are my favourite drinks!). I think I need to stop now. I'm really thirsty... (woi, puase la!)


p/s: I've promised to myself that I will get those drinks ready today for buka puasa!

Salam Aidilfitri

UTP is quite 'deserted' today. The same goes with the Internet traffic! Perfect time for blogging. Heheh. Many students had left UTP for Hari Raya break at home. But there are a 'handful' of them who have yet to make their journey back home (read: me). It is so unfortunate that I have Power Systems lab at 10 (tp smpi skang x mandi ape lg, rase malas sgt). I'll make my way home only at the afternoon today.

Talking about this week, Hari Raya fever has more or less affected my life (and my study) this week. Due to unfocused mind, everything went astray and ocassional 'screw ups' are common. No mood to attend classes, screwing up the lab sessions, ETP progress disrupted and bla... bla... bla... I really don't want to think about what had happened or currently happening in UTP right now. Yes, loads of work had made me less excited about celebrating Raya this year but I admit I can't resist the temptations to neglect all my work due to Hari Raya madness too. :)

No work to do, just listening to my current favourite band, Estrella right now (Lyn indie la plak kan~). Rock jazzy songs definitely refreshing for me. I haven't packed anything yet (read: baju kotor je), feel soooooo lazy to anything right now. I'll be driving home today, it will be about 400 km long of journey (includes all the detours). Luckily my DAD's car is always ready for that torturing journey. Hehehe... Let's make some check list:

1. Lubricant oil level (checked)
2. Tyre pressure (checked: 30 psi for each tyres)
3. Petrol tank (filled up)
4. Radiator water level (checked)
5. Windscreen washer water level (checked)
6. Brake fluid level (checked)
7. Brake pads (checked: about to worn out)

Enough of craps, I wish you all Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin. Minta maaf dari hujung kaki sampai hujung rambut. Don't forget Raya packets for me!!!

p/s: Malas nk pegi lab!

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Now playing: Estrella - Stay
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Membuka pekung sendiri

Herm, how to start? Can't think straight, I think this is what people call 'emotional breakdown'. Am I that fragile? Am I that bristle? I don't know. Maybe I'm just a complete jerk from the beginning.

What YOU only know is commenting and getting mad about my deteriorating academic performance. And yet, YOU strike me with numerous emotional attacks YOU might think of. YOU always commented on my not-so-good academic performance but have YOU ever asked me why I can't put my focus on my academic? YOU gave me so much amount of pressure to distract my focus on the thing YOU want me to excel in? Is this fair for me? Have YOU ever know how crushed my heart was when seeing YOU crying on my shoulder due to your favourite daughter's misbehave? Have YOU ever think how much I respect, how much I love about YOU? Do YOU think that by giving me nearly everything I want (car, bike, etc.) is a license for YOU to ignore me right in this suburb of Perak? If this is your way of thinking, please take those back. I do need material support, but emotional support is what I crave for. Maybe I'm not eligible to get that as I'm not the one YOU are proud of. My achievements never receive any recommendation from YOU but when I screwed up, YOU will bash me, hit me real hard. Am I nobody to YOU? If so, just throw me out from this family. There is no point keeping an eye-sore like me. I never made YOU proud. There is no point I'm doing good thing to prevent me from tarnishing your name.

And as for YOU. Do YOU think that YOU are that good to give negative thought about my friend, about the persons who are close to me right now? YOU have lost respect to me, don't you? Have YOU forgotten what have YOU done to your parent? And yet, YOU still have gut to mess up with me? Have YOU ever realized the consequences from your wrongdoing has brought this family down? And now, YOU think that YOU are good enough to talk bad about my friends. YOU have really forgotten about yourself. If YOU can do this to me, let me tell YOU the truth. Do YOU think that the husband of yours is really that good? For me, I never take him as my family, but rather a friend to me. And I still holding grudge to both of YOU. But for the sake of family bond, I never voiced that out. I never expect YOU to do this to me. Maybe I forgot that YOU are the favourite daughter? Despite of everything your parent have done for YOU, YOU still have gut to break their heart. How mean is that? But worry not, they still adore YOU, It is just me who left out. Nevermind, I do not care much about that. YOU want to see me fall apart, be my guest. I'm in the middle of the process now.

And now, to YOU. What are YOU expecting from me? YOU know I'm not that good, but why YOU still want to keep me? Will it be nice if YOU can dump me somewhere? YOU are just treating me like a punching bag. YOU said that YOU will be always with me, but fuck that! YOU never did. I know, I admit that I did something wrong to YOU. And I try to rectify that. I'm working my arse off to serve YOU only the best though YOU never show any appreciation to that. But that is not what I pursuit for. I just want to try to do good things, at least to a person. But it seems I failed. What YOU only know is to bash me when I'm wrong. Worst of all, YOU made everything I do like a big sin. I just do not want to burden YOU with my problems. YOU never made me feel at ease when I voiced out my problem. Sharing my problem with YOU is like asking YOU to stab me in the front. YOU never try to coax me due to your arrogance, instead YOU keep reprimanding me for my problems. YOU treat me like I'm a mutant. So, why don't YOU just leave me alone when I have problem? Just let me fall apart, I know I'm not a good person to YOU, YOU and YOU. Please let me fall apart. Be happy with your life. I'm nobody.

Seeing Myself in Ten Years

0951H, a perfect time to do blogging as the Internet in UTP is not congested since all students are mostly attending lectures now (or still sleeping). For that, I have to pass my Engineering Economics class (it is a tutorial anyway) to write something in this blog. Hehehe. My sahur for today is quite extravagant for me, rice with paprik vegetables, fried egg and hot milo. The result is I still feel full up to this hour. Alhamdulillah.

Back to the title of this post, really, I do not know where I will be, or what I will be doing in the next 10 years. My life currently is already complicated and will it might be more complex in the next 10 years? I do not know with whom I will end up with, I do not know where I will be settling down or what job I will be hired to. Yes, I have targets regarding my future but considering the current situation, I am not very sure whether my future can comply with what I have planned all this while. Now I realize life is very complex. All I know now that I have to survive this cruel world and make throught it. I must say to myself that I have to get the necessary things done and hoping for the better outcomes from them. I must thank the persons who are very close to me for providing me emotional support (directly or indirectly) to keep me survive. Maybe you do not feel that you are helping me but by making me comfortable being with you is helpful enough. Please pray for my good endings in the future and I am doing the same thing to you too.

As for present, I have Power Systems test today. I hope I can do this test very well. This is a part of process that will determine my future. Please pray for me ok. :) I have to end this blog, I need to go to the Engineering Economics lecture now as I have missed the first hour of my classes for today. :) For all of you, life is hard but we will surely can make through it if we put effort for it. Failing is undesirable, but it is not the end of the world. I quote this from my lecturer Dr. Muhammad Awan (though I never favour him but he is a good philosopher for me). Till then, may the good things be with us always, au revoir!

p/s: xstudy pe lg utk test petang ni coz mgu lpas da ade 4 test. tu yg mcm mls sket nih. hehe~

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Now playing: Here In My Home
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